Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
