Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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