This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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