I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
40s are totally the cure
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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