R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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