Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
