Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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