u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
