She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
