big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
