oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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