I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
