we made out on top of his cat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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