This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
