some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
