I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
