Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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