please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will be naked everywhere
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
