Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
