her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So many bounce houses so little time
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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