Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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