Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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