I just pynch a tree in the face
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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