remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
