so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize