the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
