You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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