I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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