and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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