I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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