Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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