Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
