yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
