just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
