The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
