Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize