someone threw a dead crab at me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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