Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
