I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
