About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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