Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
