Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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