Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
