According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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