i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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