Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
