dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
