Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i think i just lost a toe
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
