wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to make out with him forever
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