Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
