I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
