She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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