She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
