Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
