I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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