omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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