you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They took my balls.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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