i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
