so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
