Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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