I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
