so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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