There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
