the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize