New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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