You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want to make out with him forever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
