I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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