I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
