Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
