You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
