Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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