I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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