im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
