woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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