And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
