Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
love makes seman taste better
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
