Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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