Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
