So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
