you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
