If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she smelled like a LAN party
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize