I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
