The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
