dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
