He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
