guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
