a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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