Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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