if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just cropdusted the office
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
