My sheets look like a crime scene.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
