I CAN MOONWALK!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
