I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
