okay pat passed out under dana's car
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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