Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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